ILYENA

going out now after spending the whole day watching Community and eating sorbet

l8r bitches

I’m pouty in this photo because of my red wine stained lips (yes I had one glass yes I am cheating at the no drinking thing by only drinking when I don’t have to pay for it but we have about 30 bottles of wine in our house so IT’S NOT MY FAULT OKAY)

also you know on a slightly more serious note, I’ve been struggling with photographing myself lately and even looking at myself or thinking about myself as a person. I hate myself. I will continue to fight against this self-hatred until the day I die. I know this, and I want to fight it, because life is much more beautiful when you learn to cherish every fucking weird characteristic that you have (not just physically). But for now I hate myself and it hurts and every single day I have to remind myself multiple times that I am worth it and I deserve to have a voice and I am not just my looks and a thousand and one other things

I’m actually doing really well at the moment pushing past these feelings. Like I push myself every god damn day just by going out and attending things and offering up opinions even though my head is like “shut up you fucking idiot”

I know this isn’t unique on tumblr (or in life) and a lot of people are dealing with this shit but this is just a nice reminder for myself that
(a) I am real, I exist
(b) my feelings are real, they exist
(c) I am doing my fucking best and it’s getting a little easier day by day

anyway grumpy faced Ellen is outties

get away from me sun, I’m wrinkled enough as it is

this is pretty much the cover for Mariah’s single “We Belong Together”

ugh juuuuust ugh

I’m so fucking tired at the moment, just so fucking tired, and everything about me just screams TIRED TIRED UNHEALTHY TIRED

I dunno man, being healthy just requires too much effort at this point in time

I fucking hate every single thing about the way I look today

so here’s me trying to tell the bad feelz to shove off

#gpoy #sotd #april #3 #wednesday

I went and climbed a mountain this afternoon with my mama, it was good fun and made me realise that I should do more bush walking, so I’m going to investigate trails in the Blue Mountains things

other than that I just spent the whole day listening to k-pop and studying, it’s been super uneventful but that’s a-ok

#gpoy #sotd #tuesday #april #2 (di Blackwall Mountain Reserve)

I have had the weirdest ups and downs in mood today

I didn’t get up until about 10:30-11am because I just felt super shitty, and even once I got up I didn’t start studying until about 1pm and just ate chocolate and moped a whole lot

but this afternoon I’ve done quite a lot of reading and went for a bike ride and used natural skin scrubs and made an awesome stir-fry, so my mood is definitely up

also I’ve just been listening to these playlists all afternoon which I definitely recommend if you’re feeling down or bored or whatever

and I’ve yet to watch the first ep of Game of Thrones so I have that to look forward to later tonight!!

#gpoy (at Palm Beach)